This is not happening

I am home as planned, at 7 am. And where is she? Where is she, huh? She is supposed to be here -- up there -- pressing that damn button and letting me in! Is it possible that she hasn't heard the bell? I've rang twenty times already! Fine, I'll ring twenty more times! Wake up, you, idiot!! It's my house! I mean, what the hell? I let her stay, I give her the key, and I ask her to do just this one thing for me -- let me in! Let me in! Dude! I'm hungry, and tired, and need to go to the bathroom, and it's my house! My bed you're sleeping in! My bed, don't you get it? Get up! Get up, you lazy asshole. Oh, come on. What am I supposed to do, climb to the third floor window? Call my landlord? At 7 am? No way. Idiot. I'm an idiot for letting you in like this. So now you sleep in my bed, and I'm going to sleep right here, right underneath the door. At least I have my backpack with me. Something to put my head on.